if you have been with me long enough you may remember the gift my nana gave me last year for my birthday. bless its little heart, she’s adorable. well this year, she gave me 30 dollars in a card because she’s “been too busy organizing her house to shop.” the card was very sweet. it said all the things my family won’t say out loud. however, the day after my birthday i reread the card noticing she had underlined a part about being good to your body. the part talked about how the body is directly connected to the well being of the mind and spirit. i, of course, wondered what hidden meaning she was trying to say with this underlined paragraph. normally i can tell she disapproves in my behavior with a series of ticking noises she does with her mouth. but there wasn’t any ticking noises with her mouth only this underlined printed paragraph. an underlined printed paragraph with a purpose! i had to get to the bottom of this. i said “animals leash up, we’re going to grandma’s house.”
location: grandma’s house. (after 10 minutes of pretending i’m just there to hang out.)
me: that was a sweet card you gave me.
nan: i thought so too. it sounded just right.
me: why did you underline that part about being good to your body?
nan: well, you’ve been on a lot of dates recently and i worry about you.
me: what does that mean? i’m single.
nan: i worry about you because you are just like you mom. you know we have addiction in our family.
me: nan, what are you talking about?
nan: instead of drugs and alcohol i think you two are addicted to sex.
me: nan, come on… i don’t sleep with everyone i go on a date with.
nan: i see the cars in your driveway.
me: that could be anyone.
nan: some are there in the morning.
me: i have girlfriends who stay over all the time.
(silence)
me: nana, i’m not stupid you know. but you’re right…..mom is a whore.
(and they laughed and laughed and laughed.)
